Your non-stop talking makes you seem like a jerk. I’ve never met you before, so if you are perfect at listening in a conversation, I apologize. That message wasn’t intended for you. But a lot of people do have a problem with listening. They fill conversations with the sound of their voice. I know, because I’m one of them. The listening habit has been something I’ve been trying to build with myself. There are plenty of selfish (and non-selfish) reasons why becoming a better listener is useful. I’m sure you don’t want to miss out, just because neither of us run out of things to say.

Some Selfish Reasons to Listen More

It’s easy to think of the selfless reasons to listen. People want you to listen to them. By listening, you can help someone with a problem, or help them come up with new ideas. But listening also has selfish benefits that make it worth the investment.

The biggest selfish benefit is that you learn more with your mouth closed. You’ll learn more about other people, and often, about yourself, if you stop talking. Those ideas are useful if you want to improve yourself. Going without feedback is improving in a vacuum, it’s almost impossible to do.

Listening also helps you think. When you’re truly listening, not just waiting for your turn to speak, you can chew over your ideas more. You can mull on points of the conversation longer. In the end, you’ll appear a lot wiser if you explain a fully-digested point of view, than if you just blurt out the first response that comes to mind.
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“Do what you love”. I’m sure you have heard this piece of career advice at some point in your life. After all, it is great advice. If you do what you love for a living you are sure to be happier, healthier and probably even wealthier in the long run.

My question today is: are you doing what you love for a living? If so, what are you doing and how did you get to that place? If not, what is it you would love to do? Please share your story in the comments section below to be in the running to win a copy of the following book.

Book Giveaway

We have 10 copies of Sway by Ori Brafman and Rom Brafman to giveaway courtesy of DoubleDay. This book looks at the hidden psychological influences that can derail our decision-making. The authors not only uncover rational explanations for a wide variety of irrational behaviors, they also highlight ways to avoid succumbing to their pull.

If you would like to learn more about the book, you can read the review Amazon reviews here.

The foundation of any relationship, whether it be with a business associate, spouse, parent, client or, friend, is trust. Trust is not something that can be built with quick fix techniques. Rather, it is something that is cultivated through consistent habits in your interactions. The following are twelve patterns of behavior that increase trust in your relationships.

1. Be transparent

Do not try to hide things from others. Refuse to have any hidden agendas. You might think you can pull a fast one on someone else. You can’t. Most people have good intuition and even though they may not be able to consciously determine that you are hiding something, they very likely will have an uneasy feeling around you. If they don`t feel comfortable around you, they won`t be able to trust you.

Another sinister aspect of having hidden agenda is that it erodes your ability to trust others. You will assume that if you aren’t fully forthcoming, other people aren’t either. When you are trustworthy, however, you will see others as more trustworthy too.

2. Be sincere

This is similar to the previous point. Only say what you mean. Be impeccably honest with your words. Refuse to try and craft your words to manipulate others. Don`t give fake compliments, patronize others or say something just because you think you are supposed to. Again, people have good BS detectors. When others know that you only speak genuinely, it increases their capacity to trust you. Everyone loves authenticity.

3. Focus on adding value

In any relationship, always have the best interest of others at heart. Work hard to give as much or more than you get. When you consistently add value to someone`s life, they not only feel like you are on their side, they also have the urge to reciprocate. In business relationships, this means always under-promise and over-deliver. In personal relationships, focusing on meeting the needs of the other person instead of taking in order to get your own needs met.

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You don’t have to be a famous politician or an aspiring poet to keep a journal. Spending some time writing on a daily basis can boost your motivation, help with conditions such as depression or insomnia, and have vast, life-enhancing benefits. And if you ever become famous, you’ll have plenty of material to draw on for your biography …

Personal benefits of keeping a journal

Writing – get into the habit. If you’re keen on any form of writing – from short stories to blog posts – then keeping a journal can help establish the habit of writing on a regular basis. Knowing that no-one but you will read your words means you needn’t worry about making them perfect. Some people prefer to write in a journal first thing in the morning, whilst fresh; others record their thoughts about the day just before bed.

Insight – learn about yourself. We learn about the world outside us by reading, but we learn about the world inside by writing. If you keep a journal for any length of time, you’ll surprise yourself – especially if you look back over previous weeks and months. What topics obsess you? What patterns can’t you break? What resolutions do you constantly make on a Monday, only to have forgotten by Friday…? You could even use your journal to discover what your dream career is.

Catharsis – work through problems. When faced with hard decisions that have to be made, writing can help solve them, giving you fresh ideas and perspectives. The result might only be that you accept the difficult times … or it might be that you realize a whole new aspect to the situation. Like having a good cry, writing in a journal is cathartic, leaving you calmer and feeling more able to deal with things.

Achievements – look back on what you’ve done. Sometimes, we look back on the weeks and months and wonder what actually happened. Were we just living on auto-pilot? If time seems to slip away from you, write down what you’ve achieved, on a regular basis. Perhaps it’s being entrusted with a new project at work, passing an exam, taking a new class, starting a project like a blog, a novel, a painting… Whenever you feel that you’ve not had a very successful month or year, read back over your journal.
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